Stand and Stay
by espergirl04
Summary: He needed to apologize but he found the threat of loss rather hindering. JohnTeyla.


One of the many song inspired fics that I have started but this one I actually managed to finish. Granted it's kind of short. Song lyrics in italics are from Slow Show by The National and lyrics are also worked into it which I'll reveal at the end, though I'm sure you'll guess them. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of the characters, also I do not own the song lyrics used

* * *

_I made a mistake in my life today…_

He needed to talk to her, needed to apologize. Instead he was sitting at a table with Ronon and Rodney while took another swig of whatever the hell was in the bottle.

John Sheppard was afraid because what he had gained could be lost and he wasn't sure he could handle it. Not after everything they had gone through.

All because of his damn emotions.

"You should talk to her," Ronon grunted.

"Yeah, maybe oh I don't know…say you're sorry?" Rodney interjected.

The liquid burned as it went down and he welcomed the feeling. "I know."

The two glanced at one another and Rodney spoke first, "So you're here drinking instead because…?"

"Because I don't want to lose her," he said. The words were out of his mouth before he realized. Yeah, he had had enough to drink.

"It was stupid Sheppard, but she'll get over it."

He didn't apologize to her, not then. Instead he had crept back into his room and found, as he had hoped, that she wasn't there as she normally was. Except as he lay in the empty bed he realized that he wished that she was because he had become so used to her presence that he couldn't sleep. Maybe it was the line of work they were in or maybe it was the fact that she had stormed off in anger as soon as they had made it through the gate, either way he felt the need to see her, to make sure she was okay.

The door opened as he waved his hand in front of it and he stumbled in.

"John?" She questioned. He could just make out her form as she sat up in bed. "John, is everything alright?"

"No, no it's not. Teyla I'm sorry, God I don't know what I was thinking…you know what? I wasn't thinking, because if I had been I never would have said those things." He followed her shadow as she stood from the bed and cringed as a light flickered on. "That's bright."

She turned to face him and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Have you been drinking?"

"A little, we got that bottle in the trade and Ronon cracked it open."

Teyla sighed, "John it is nearing the morning hours, perhaps we can do this after we have both had time to sleep and you are no longer intoxicated."

What she was saying made sense, but he couldn't wait. He couldn't wait until his head was slightly cleared because he had to get it out now. "You know I dreamed about you before I saw you?" Realizing how that sounded he quickly amended himself, "I mean not _you_ but…you're the type of woman that I always dreamed of but never thought that I'd get. I'm not saying that I settled for Nancy just…I didn't think that you actually existed."

Teyla was seated cross legged at the edge of the bed and she continued to watch him silently.

"I didn't…I couldn't let myself cross boundaries Teyla because I was afraid…" he rubbed his face, "I was afraid that something like what happened today would happen and I didn't know if I could handle it. But then I realized that I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try…and then…"

She unfolded her legs and gripped the sheets, "And then what you feared happened?"

"I almost let myself compromise the mission for no reason. I know you can handle yourself, and you did, but…I don't know how much longer I can take it. What I said…how I said it was wrong, but…maybe it is time that I transfer you to another team."

She nodded slowly, "Yes, the way that you worded it was rather…harsh, but I understand. And I will be willing to think about transferring."

"I really am sorry about what happened earlier," he reiterated.

"And I forgive you."

He let out his breath slowly and held out a hand, "So you'll come back to our room?"

She quirked an eyebrow, "_Our _room?"

Heat was spreading up his throat towards his face. "I meant my room."

Taking his hand she allowed him to pull her to her feet, "John?"

"Yeah?" he wrapped an arm around her waist as they headed down the hall.

"I dreamed of you as well."

* * *

And the lyrics: "I dreamed of you before I saw you."


End file.
